"Crack-fic," for those of you not up on fan fiction lingo, is a story set in an existing fictional universe where all of the characters behave in an abnormal way. It's not supposed to be dramatic, or sexy, or philosophical. It's funny and kind of stupid (or really stupid). Jason and I have several that we have written together, and today we started one for Christmas.
It's called "An Enterprise Christmas Carol," and it's set on the Enterprise-D from Star Trek TNG. Picard is Scrooge, Q is Jacob Marley, and Wesley is Bob Cratchit. We didn't write the whole thing tonight; right now Picard is in the middle of his encounter with the Ghost of Christmas Past...Nick Knight from Forever Knight. The show was on TV in the early '90s, and was the first to do the "vampire detective" schtick. Nick is over 800 years old and every episode intertwines his current life with flashbacks from his past. Hence, Nick is given the role of Ghost of Christmas Past.
Oh, and our version of Picard is from Bizarro-land. Where the Picard from the show is full of wisdom and compassion, our Picard is an omnicidal megalomaniac. He is also proving to be quite resistant to mending his ways.
Here are some choice quotes so far.
Riker: Christmas a humbug?...What is a "humbug," anyway?
Data: It is a species of dung beetle found on the planet Betamax-4, so named because of the high-pitched humming sound it uses as a mating call.
Picard: Mr. Worf! Make sure you set up slave camps AND prisons!
Worf: Thy will be done.
Picard: Excellent. That takes care of the surplus population.
Q: You're going to be haunted, Picard. Three ghosts. Past, present...you know the drill. I came here to rub it in your face.
Picard: Don't you mean, "to warn me"?
Q: Oh, that's why they sent me, but that's not why I came.
Nick: I am the ghost. The Ghost of...erm...Vampire of Christmas Past. I will flashback to things of yesteryear. Oh, we may end up in Toronto in the late '80s. Or...anywhere, really. I've had a productive life.
I gotta say, one of the things I love about my husband is that we have the same twisted sense of humor. More lulz are sure to come.
I used the stick arms for the snowman to make reindeer antlers. Behold, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Snowman!
YES! More crack-fic! Huzzah!
ReplyDelete