Welcome to 2014!

Happy New Year, everyone!

I always loved New Year's Eve as a kid. We would always get one of those "party kits" with hats and plastic leis and noisemakers, and I loved the combination of "staying up late" and "making lots of noise." How often do you have an excuse to blow a party horn in the middle of the night?

Jason and I had a nice, low-key celebration at home. We had planned on staying in anyway, and all of the snow we got last night only reinforced that decision. I made baked meatball sandwiches:

They were easy, too.

Step 1: Cook frozen meatballs in sauce on the stovetop, according to package directions (I did 20 minutes over medium heat).

Step 2: Place meatballs on open buns and top with a handful of mozzarella. I sprinkled some Italian seasoning on, too.

Step 3: Bake at 425 F for 5 minutes.

Step 4: Profit! Or, y'know, eat.

We watched some bad movies, along with our friends on the Satellite of Love.

By that time it was about 11 PM. I broke out the party blowers and we made some hot chocolate to help stay awake.

We turned on the countdown on ABC a few minutes before midnight. The news anchors doing the countdown had nothing to talk about, so we just kept the TV on mute until the 10-second countdown. Then we set off some poppers, did our "kiss at midnight," and went to bed.

These are my top 3 goals for 2014:
1. Eat more vegetables. I try to eat a healthy balanced diet, with whole grains and fresh fruit and lean protein, but I'm pretty picky when it comes to veggies. Right now the only vegetables I eat on a consistent basis are baby carrots and tomato sauce.
2. Take a yoga class. My favorite form of exercise right now is walking. I want to try something to improve my flexibility and balance.
3. Make money from my crafting. This has been in the "thinking and planning" stage for a while now, so this year I am going to actually move forward. I am working on a Super Secret Crochet Project right now, and when it's all done I want to sell the pattern on Ravelry. I also have some ideas for things I can make quickly and sell at craft fairs, or maybe even get a table at a convention, and if that goes well I will set up an Etsy store to sell online.

Advent Calendar, Day 22

Today's activity: Listen to Christmas music and wrap gifts.

We had quite a few things to wrap, because we're visiting my family on Christmas morning and Jason's family in the afternoon on Christmas day. 

There are a few tricks to wrapping gifts so they look neat. The first step is to measure how much paper you will need to fit around the box. Start by wrapping the whole roll over your gift, and cut it so it overlaps by an inch or two.

If you want to make sure you're cutting straight, it helps to have a wrapping paper with a checkerboard pattern, or one that has a grid on the underside. 

Measure the paper needed to fold down over the bottom. It should be about 2/3 of the height of the box, so the two ends overlap without causing too much bulk.

Once the gift is positioned, you can tape it along the long sides to form a tube. Next, fold in the corners along the bottom. Fold the top one down and the bottom one up. Tape them in place.

It is very hard to eyeball how much paper is needed to create the fold on top. If the ends are too short, there will be a gap in the package. If they are too long, the paper will get crumpled when you try to tape it. Here's how to get the perfect size every time. Stand the box up on its end. The extra paper will form a cone up into the air.

Now hold the paper right above the box and fold the cone outward. The edges of the paper will flatten outward:

Now cut straight across the top of the paper right after it flattens out.

Then fold in the ends on the top the same way as the bottom. Voila!

Of course, this only works if the package in question is a box. There is a secret to wrapping oddly-shaped packages, too:

Stick it in a gift bag. Done! Add some tissue paper to be fancy.

Jason and I wrapped our stocking stuffers for each other, most of which we bought at Dollar Tree. It turns out that strange minds think alike...

Yeah, we both picked out a set of cheapo plastic ninjas. Why did we get each other dollar-store Ninja Action Figures? Mostly because of this.

Ninja: The Mission Force was inspired by Godfrey Ho. His ninja movies seem to be written by a bunch of seven-year-olds who care more about making things look cool (without any budget) than little things like plot or continuity or sense. The "action" scenes are spliced together with footage from completely unrelated movies, to form one incoherent storyline. They are a wonder to behold.

Godfrey Ho Ho Ho says, "Merry Ninjamas!"

Advent Calendar, Day 11

Today's activity: Write a Christmas crack-fic.

"Crack-fic," for those of you not up on fan fiction lingo, is a story set in an existing fictional universe where all of the characters behave in an abnormal way. It's not supposed to be dramatic, or sexy, or philosophical. It's funny and kind of stupid (or really stupid). Jason and I have several that we have written together, and today we started one for Christmas.

It's called "An Enterprise Christmas Carol," and it's set on the Enterprise-D from Star Trek TNG. Picard is Scrooge, Q is Jacob Marley, and Wesley is Bob Cratchit. We didn't write the whole thing tonight; right now Picard is in the middle of his encounter with the Ghost of Christmas Past...Nick Knight from Forever Knight. The show was on TV in the early '90s, and was the first to do the "vampire detective" schtick. Nick is over 800 years old and every episode intertwines his current life with flashbacks from his past. Hence, Nick is given the role of Ghost of Christmas Past.

Oh, and our version of Picard is from Bizarro-land. Where the Picard from the show is full of wisdom and compassion, our Picard is an omnicidal megalomaniac. He is also proving to be quite resistant to mending his ways.

Here are some choice quotes so far.

Riker: Christmas a humbug?...What is a "humbug," anyway?
Data: It is a species of dung beetle found on the planet Betamax-4, so named because of the high-pitched humming sound it uses as a mating call.

Picard: Mr. Worf! Make sure you set up slave camps AND prisons!
Worf: Thy will be done.
Picard: Excellent. That takes care of the surplus population.

Q: You're going to be haunted, Picard. Three ghosts. Past, present...you know the drill. I came here to rub it in your face.
Picard: Don't you mean, "to warn me"?
Q: Oh, that's why they sent me, but that's not why I came.

Nick: I am the ghost. The Ghost of...erm...Vampire of Christmas Past. I will flashback to things of yesteryear. Oh, we may end up in Toronto in the late '80s. Or...anywhere, really. I've had a productive life.

I gotta say, one of the things I love about my husband is that we have the same twisted sense of humor. More lulz are sure to come.

I used the stick arms for the snowman to make reindeer antlers. Behold, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Snowman!

Advent Calendar, Day 10

Today's activity: Discussing favorite Christmas memories.

This was a fun one, because even though it feels as though I've known Jason my whole life, we met only three and a half years ago. We talked about our favorite memories and traditions from childhood. We each had our own "Red Rider BB Gun" experience, although mine was with a Playskool Dollhouse (I was seven), and Jason's was with a Force FX Light Saber. It was a nice end to an otherwise stressful day.

In other news, our snowman wants you to guess the secret word.

What happens if you do? Wakko will hit you on the head with a mallet.

Advent Calendar, Day 9

Today's activity: Movie night!

We popped up a big bowl of popcorn with our air popper to eat while we watched the movie. I like air-popped popcorn because it is cheaper than the microwave popcorn. It's also healthier...potentially. We topped it with seasoned salt and a couple tablespoons of butter. I'm not sure how it compares to microwave popcorn calorie-wise, but there were no artificial flavors or preservatives.

It was Jason's turn to pick the movie this time around, and he chose the TNT version of A Christmas Carol with Patrick Stewart.

I think A Christmas Carol is a story that works on many levels. I grew up watching the Disney version (with Mickey and the gang, not the CGI one from a few years back) and my favorite part was watching his transformation. Now I'm drawn to the idea that people who are unkind in life must make amends after they die. It's one of those things that makes sense from a moral standpoint, aside from fitting the narrative so well. And of course, I still love watching Scrooge find his redemption. 

And God bless us, every one.

Advent Calendar, Day 4

Today's activity: My turn to pick a movie! I went with Scrooged.

Jason introduced me to this movie a couple years ago, and it's become a holiday favorite.

In other news, we have been getting rain instead of snow. Captain Angryface is not pleased.

We still have three weeks. That's plenty of time for a white Christmas.

Disney Princesses: Heroes or Villains?

I grew up in the 1990s, which meant that something I looked forward to every summer was the new Disney movie. The Little Mermaid was my first "favorite" movie, and I still have the often-watched VHS tape my parents bought for me as a tyke. As I grew older I started looking at different perspectives on the "Disney Princess" brand, and how they are supposedly ruining today's generation of girls.

I will say right off the bat that today's toys are being marketed in a manner that is far too gender-specific. Also, the "Disney Princess" brand takes a lot of liberties with the characters. There was a lot of noise back when Merida joined the official lineup and was made to look more "cute and feisty" than, well, brave. Oh, and apparently Disney princesses are contractually obligated to wear clothing that is 50% glitter by volume.

But what about the actual movies? What kind of messages are they sending to girls? As it turns out, there are two sides to every princess. I'll give my quick summary of each movie, from a positive and negative perspective.

Cinderella
Positive: This movie has more female characters than male; the plot is driven by a memorable villainess and the heroine has a literal fairy godmother looking out for her. It easily passes the Bechdel Test (Cinderella talks to her stepmother and fairy godmother about going to the ball).
Negative: The heroine and title character does NOTHING to save herself from her situation. Literally nothing. The birds and mice make her first dress (without her knowledge); fairy godmother makes the second. Even at the end, when she's locked in her room, she doesn't try to escape. The mice have to save her again.

Sleeping Beauty
Positive: Like Cinderella, this movie has a mostly female cast. Maleficent stands out as one of the most memorable villains, male or female, from the Disney animated canon. Can any of the other villains turn into a FREAKIN' DRAGON? I didn't think so. Also, in the final battle, the fairies are the ones leading the charge. Prince Philip would not have gotten nearly as far as he did without their help. This movie passes the Bechdel Test, as the fairies talk about Aurora often. As does Maleficent.
Negative: Once again, our heroine is completely passive. The only thing she does on her own is sneak out into the woods, where she winds up in Love At First Sight (R) with her prince.

The Little Mermaid
Positive: Ariel is the first princess who decides to go after what she wants--and originally, it's not "a man." Even before she lays eyes on Eric, she expresses a desire to be human and be free of her father's rule. Also, we have another strong female villain.
Negative: This movie fails the Bechdel Test; Ariel and Ursula have a long conversation, but it revolves around becoming human so she can be with her prince. She also needs to undergo a dramatic physical transformation so she can be with him.

Beauty and the Beast
Positive: Belle is smart, brave, and caring. She is a favorite among nerd girls for preferring books and the eccentric company of her mad scientist father over the all-looks-no-personality Gaston. She is not afraid to stand up for herself, first to the beast, and then to Gaston.
Negative: Belle stays with a man whose behavior borders on abusive, at least in the beginning. She believes that she can change him, and it works. Girls, DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME.

Aladdin
Positive: Jasmine knows what she wants, and is not afraid to tell anyone. She is determined to marry someone she chooses, rather than let her father force her into an arranged marriage. She escapes from the palace to experience life as a commoner--without magical intervention.
Negative: Name one other female character in the movie. There isn't one...unless you count the genie in drag. Jasmine has to stand up for women's rights, because she could very well be the only female in all of Agrabah.

Mulan
Positive: Mulan is driven by a desire to save her father and prove her own worth. She goes undercover as a soldier and ends up saving the whole country. She is a definite action hero. Also, she is the first Disney Princess to have a mother and grandmother who are still alive and present at the beginning and end.
Negative: They just had to throw a romance in, didn't they?

Brave
Positive: Merida does not wait around for anyone to solve her problems. She is not afraid to try different solutions when she dislikes her options. The central plot of the movie revolves not around Merida and a love interest, but her changing relationship with her mother. Both Merida and Elinor come out of the movie as stronger, and their relationship has reached a new level of understanding. She is also determined, like Jasmine, to avoid arranged marriage...and unlike every other princess on this list, is happily single at the end of it all.
Negative: They just had to make her a princess, didn't they? Also, Pixar has been making movies for almost 20 years now (yup, Toy Story came out in '94) and it took them until 2012 to make a movie with a female protagonist.

I skipped over some of the movies because I'm not really familiar with them (Tangled, Princess and the Frog, Hercules). I also excluded Pocahontas, because even though she's included in the "princess" canon, I'm not sure if she qualifies (her father is a chieftain, not a king). Mulan is technically not a princess either, but she appears more often than Pocahontas in official Disney Princess merchandise. If anyone wants to offer their analysis of the movies I missed, or a new perspective on one I've covered already, please do!

In conclusion: Watch the movies with your kids. Ask them what they thought the moral of the story was. Talk about the messages they picked up on, and how those lessons apply (or don't apply) to the real world. Media literacy is an important skill for kids to learn, and how they watch is arguably more important than what they watch.

Book Review: Dianne Duvall's Immortal Guardians series

I have been a fan of the vampire genre since I was in high school. It started out with Angel (and, shortly thereafter, reruns of Buffy) and quickly spread to encompass a wide array of books, movies and TV shows featuring the undead. Basically, if it's got fangs, I will read it. Or watch it. I may not like it, but I will give it a shot.

Dianne Duvall's Immortal Guardians series has three books so far, plus a novella included in a collection called Predatory. The fourth book comes out later this year. I picked up the first book on a whim and was immediately struck by the complex world created in this story. There are normal humans, obviously. There are also "gifted ones," or humans with supernatural abilities and "advanced" DNA. But vampirism is completely unrelated to the abilities of the "gifted ones." In fact, it comes from a virus that turns a human into a vampire and turns a "gifted one" into an immortal. The thing about the vampires is that they tend to go crazy after a few years. Crazy as in "homicidal." So the job of the immortals is to hunt down the vampires and stop them from killing people. The immortals, due to their already differing genetics, are protected from the insanity that eventually kills any human-turned-vampire.

Then we have Ami and Zach, who are...none of the above. We don't find out Ami's secret until halfway through book 2, and still don't have an explanation for Zach. Though to be fair, Zach has only shown up in a few scenes, and we don't even learn his name until the third book. Usually a world that starts out with vampires will add other supernatural elements, such as werewolves, demons, and magic. Duvall takes the scientific approach instead, which I find pretty cool. 

So we have complex characters. We also have tons of action. There is no shortage of fighting, death, and bloodshed. We get descriptions of all of the characters' weapons. The male main characters are all Immortal Guardians, so they have centuries of experience with fighting and killing vampires. But the women are no slackers, either. Sarah (from book 1) is a college professor who is thrown into the world of immortals and vampires by accident and is more than capable of holding her own. Ami (from book 2) kicks some serious vampire ass, despite being tiny and seemingly vulnerable. Think River Tam with Merida's red hair. And Dr. Melanie Lipton (from book 3) is smart and fearless. She knows what she wants and isn't afraid to stand up for the vampires she's trying to save. Makes me wonder if Duvall is a fan of Buffy herself.

There is just so much I love about this series. The characters are well-rounded, and Duvall does a great job of dropping subtle world-building hints and raising questions that are left unanswered at the end of each book. At the same time, the main story itself in each book is resolved so that each novel stands on its own. And I'm not gonna lie, the steamy scenes are pretty good.

Oh, did I mention these are paranormal romance novels?

Nine times out of ten, you would not find me defending bodice rippers. Usually the plot is thin, the women need saving, and any "foreshadowing" is just setting up two minor characters for their own love story. If you remove the relationship between Alice and Bob, most romance novels fall apart completely. I've read a few Harlequins in the past, and they were all pretty forgettable. The Immortal Guardians books are the first romance novels I've read (primarily) for the plot, and actually cared about the overall story. 

Make no mistake, the Immortal Guardians books are romance novels, complete with naked torsos on the cover. If you removed all traces of romantic relationships, admittedly, the series would be a lot thinner. Still, that's true of nearly any series. If you have enough characters, eventually some of them are going to get together (in fanfiction if nowhere else). But you could remove all of the sex scenes and still have an exciting, compelling story in a complex world. Which makes me wonder why they were written and marketed as romance novels in the first place.

The one quibble I have with the series is a minor one: all of the immortals are literal vegetarian vampires. They need blood, but they also eat normal food, and they are all health food nuts. We get loving descriptions of vegetarian meals, prepared with organic ingredients. But it never rises to true Author Tract levels and the story is still definitely enjoyable even if you don't happen to share her passion for salads.

Overall, I would give the series 4.5 out of 5 stars. If you like action, supernatural creatures, and a dash of hot romance, definitely check it out.

Business Idea!

Even though we had the first day of spring a few days ago, and it still feels like winter, I must be ready for summer. I had a very pleasant dream last night about going to the beach.

When I woke up, I started thinking about swimsuits. I don't think I need to buy any, because the ones I bought last summer should still fit, but they're fun to buy (or even just look at). My idea last year was to buy separates so I could mix-and-match. I have two tops with different designs and two bottoms that match either top, so it's really like I have four swimsuits. I could even buy another top that matches either bottom and get two suits for the price of one item!

But there doesn't seem to be any line of swimsuits really designed around this mix-and-match idea. So this morning I came up with this brilliant business plan, which is sadly far beyond my abilities to do myself. If anyone reading this wants to steal my idea, please do. You don't have to credit me or anything (maybe offer some stock options so I can cash in when your company makes a billion dollars).

So this company would make swimsuits designed to be mixed and matched. The tops would all be patterned and the bottoms would all be solid, just for simplicity's sake. You could start out with three colors (say black, white, and red) for the bottom. The tops could have any kind of pattern that uses those colors. Stripes, polka dots, flowers, checks...anything, really.

But what would make this different from the other suits on the market is that all of the bottoms would have belt loops, and all of the tops would come with a strip of matching fabric to wear as a belt. This would tie everything together and make it look like that set was designed to be worn together. But then you can change the top and change the belt, and have another perfectly matched suit. It even encourages people to buy everything from your company (instead of also mixing and matching whatever's cheapest).

If you wanted to take the customizing idea even further, you could have the bottoms come with a solid color bow or something to attach to the top. That way you could have designs with only two of the colors, like zebra stripes, that can still be worn with any bottom.

The company could have as many or as few options as you like. In addition to fabrics, you could offer different styles for the tops and the bottoms. Or just keep it simple. I would do this myself, but unfortunately I don't have the sewing skills to even attempt making my own suit. So somebody make this business happen.

Any top + Any bottom = Swimsuit. Who's with me, ladies? I would buy one of everything.

Random Thoughts on Writing

In addition to yarn craft and Lego models, one of my other hobbies is writing stories. I have this vague idea for a series of books which will probably never see the light of day because I find it much more enjoyable to imagine different scenarios for the characters in my mind, and then write kind of a rough draft down. Jason and I (along with my brother Johnny, sometimes) are writing a Star Trek crack-fic. For those not "in the know" on fanfiction terms, a crack-fic is a specific type of story where all of the characters act like they are on crack. Or possibly that the writers were on crack when they wrote it. Anyway, what it boils down to is insanity. Some of the highlights so far include:
-Captain Picard ordering Riker to wear a tutu
-Wesley Crusher being ordered thrown out of the airlock
-Riker "dating" Tasha Yar (or, specifically, her cryo-preserved body)
-Troi singing the theme song from "The Huntsman" (we found Freakazoid! on DVD at the library)

Maybe it makes sense if the reader is on crack...

On another note, I have noticed that relationships in romance stories can usually be divided into three categories. Some stories fit into more than one, but so far I have not been able to think of any that could not fit into at least one.

The first cagegory is "Love at first sight." The characters meet, and there is an instant attraction between them. Their relationship is never really developed beyond that point; the audience is supposed to understand that this is "true love" even if the only thing they have in common is hotness. The rest of the story is spent separating and then trying to reunite the two lovers; the relationship is pretty much used as a MacGuffin for why the hero needs to go on his quest. This is quite common in Disney movies--off the top of my head, I can think of Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, and The Little Mermaid. Romeo and Juliet is another notable example, which is often held up as an ideal. These people have apparently forgotten that (a) their story ended badly and (b) both of the main characters are kind of idiots.

The next category is pretty much the opposite: "Hate at first sight." The characters meet and immediately clash. As they get to know each other, however, they realize that the other person has redeeming qualities after all. The rest of the story is spent developing their relationship as the characters grow. This leads to a much more believable connection between the two people, and a more honest relationship. A classic example would by Pride and Prejudice. Today, this one is common in romantic comedies. Disney's Beauty and the Beast fits here as well.

The third category is "Friendship becoming love." The two characters may have known each other for a long time, or they might meet at the beginning of the story. They began as "just friends," but now are ready to be more. Often, the two people involved are the last to realize that they belong together. The story is mostly spent trying to get the two characters together. Sometimes, this will involve one character (or even both) realizing the person they are currently dating is not "the one." Like "hate at first sight," this is a growing, changing relationship that is often quite believable. This type of relationship accounts for the other half of romantic comedies. Disney's Mulan also falls into this category.

Things get more complicated (and, when done well, more interesting) when the categories get mixed together. Unrequited love happens when only one character experiences love at first sight, or friendship becoming love. Their potential partner ignores them, hates them, or does not want their friendship to become anything else.

Some stories may follow more than one formula. Twilight is a unique example. It begins as "hate at first sight": Bella and Edward's first meeting is tense and edgy at best. Then they quickly (and unrealistically) realize their true love, and it follows the "love at first sight" formula, completely skipping over any type of character development. Bella also goes through "friendship becoming love" with Jacob, but this more believable development is dumped when Eddy comes back into the picture. This was one thing that frustrated me even when I was sort of a fan of the series.

Speaking of Twilight, there is some evidence that the author is confused about what makes a healthy relationship and what is abusive. The rushed development of Edward and Bella's relationship is one example: once they realize their true love, Edward's controlling behavior is completely ignored. An even more disturbing example is with Bella and Jacob. Jacob is in love with Bella, but she denies being in love with him. He forcefully kisses her after she tells him not to, which in a YA series like Twilight I figured would be treated similar to rape. Bella tries to punch him and ends up getting hurt because he is so muscular. Her father, who up until this point has been levelheaded and the voice of reason, takes Jacob's side and laughs when Bella complains. Obviously Bella is in love with Jacob! He just had to show her! The series is actually full of dysfunctional relationships passing as "true love." Despite all that, I do not feel that Twilight will be the downfall of society. Sometimes, a book is just a book. Hopefully it will fade into obscurity soon, with nothing left but the people who decided to name their daughters Renesmee.